Briefly speaking

Briefly speaking is en pocas palabras, theoretically in few words and a practice that is not remarkably Spanish.  Even our hurried half a mo’ which requests (or commands) forbearance when time is short becomes a ponderous un momento while sometimes a lengthening diminutive turns it into a barked momentito.  The use of  -ito is deliberate because Spanish resorts to suffixes to soften plain speaking or discourtesy.

The Spanish loathe being thought bad-mannered which, together with a tendency to associate formality with verborrhoea, gave rise in the past to letters which routinely ended with a compassionate …que Dios le guarde muchos años – may God grant you long life.  

Owing to lack of space, solicitous leave-takings in bureaucratic dealings were routinely abbreviated to a tangle of initials: S.S.B.S.M. – Servidor seguro besa su mano: a trusted servant kisses your hand although un servidor has lately acquired the new and not at all subservient role of an Internet server.

Public speakers in Spain are notoriously long-winded and writers often portentously prolix but the sporadic conciseness of Spanish can break through like a ray of sunshine piercing fog.  S.M. stands for Su Majestad – His or Her Majesty but SSMM is an admirably economical Their Majesties.  This plurality is also responsible for the apparently mystifying abbreviation of EEUU for Estados Unidos (United States) and CCOO for the trade union, Comisiones Obreras. 

Less a question of economy and more a matter of laziness is the shortening of señorita to seño when addressing a female schoolteacher, single or married: hoy se enfadó la seño – today Miss got cross.  El director is frequently shortened to el dire by schoolchildren when referring to a headmaster – un director de colegio.

Children’s abbreviations have infiltrated adult conversation, so adults say el super for supermercado, la pelu for la peluquería (hairdresser’s), el frigo for el frigorífico (refrigerator) and el cole instead of colegio.  Many adults as well as children use  porfa for por favour (please) when speaking to those they are at ease with but que pases un buen finde is teen-speak for que pases un buen fin de semana (have a good weekend).

Catalina - who answers to Cata - and Jasper, who answers to no-one

Names get contracted, too, so someone called Esperanza is called Espe and María Teresa become Maite. Once you realise that the cut-off point in a Spanish name doesn’t necessarily arrive where you’d expect, it’s easier to see why Asunción answers to Asun.

Concepción is reduced to Concha, Conchi or Conchita and Merche to Mercedes although on birth certificates, these will often be preceded by Maria de as in María de la Concepción although prepositions can be avoided: María Mercedes or María Cristina.

Sometimes the final a is dropped María into Mari or the familiar-looking Mary, a common practice amongst girls saddled with names like María de la Buena Leche

Men’s names get a similar treatment, so Jesús turns into Chus and Joaquín into Chimo,  while José María can be Josema or Chema; many a Manuel is called Manolo although some answer to Lolo too and Sebastián gets called Sebas.

There are Josés who prefer to remain José but others are happy with Pepe.  Pepe is the spoken version of the letters P.P. which in more pious times followed the name of San José – St. Joseph and stood for Padre Putativo – substitute or stand-in father (to Christ).

Francisco and Francisca almost always answer to Paco and Paca and this is the responsibility of San Francisco de Asís (St. Francis of Asisi) who, having founded the Franciscan order, was referred to as Pater Communitatis (Father of the Community).  

In classic Spanish fashion which likes verbal short cuts just as much as the long way round, they took first two syllables of each word to come up with PaCo.  And the interesting thing is that many a Paco or Paca is blissfully unaware of this – try asking them!

Joking apart

Every language and country has its sayings – refranes or  proverbs – proverbios and Spanish not only does the favour of translating proverbial as proverbial but provides consabido, too.

There’s nothing like proverbs for catching a glimpse of how people view or face up to trouble and it’s fascinating to see how Spanish and English-speakers say the same thing in different ways.



Riada



Llover sobre mojado means pretty much the same as it never rains but it pours, although gloomy recognition that problems never arrive singly is more often conveyed with a perro flaco todo son pulgas.  

There is something infinitely more resigned about a skinny dog is all fleas than the prospect of a great deal of rain – not that rain is troublefree in a country as susceptible to flash flooding – una riada as drought – sequía.

Sequía

Del agua mansa me libre Dios, que de la brava me guardaré yo is supposed to correspond to still waters run deep although its literal translation of God protect me from calm water and I’ll protect myself from the rough resembles our God protect me from my friends and I’ll protect myself from my enemies.

But éramos pocos y parió la abuela as well as si no te gusta el caldo, dos tazas and monta un circo y le crecen los enanos are supremely Spanish and supremely revealing.   

The first explains the Spanish sense of the ridiculous, the second illustrates the Spanish tendency to expect the worst and the third demonstrates Spanish acceptance that the worst will happen.

The literal translation of éramos pocos y parió la abuela is there weren’t many of us and Grandma gave birth.  This is a variation on the straw that broke the camel’s back but the joke is that the phrase means precisely the opposite to what it says.  Without enough room to swing a cat, Grandma – not supposed to be of childbearing age – complicates things by adding another occupant. 

Si no te gusta el caldo, dos tazas means if you don’t like soup, you get two bowls and implies that aversion to something dooms you to having it shoved down your throat.  The more modern and defiantly politically incorrect monta un circo y le crecen los enanos conjures up someone who has such bad luck that if he had a circus, the dwarfs would grow.

These are prime examples of the Spanish irony - ironía which is not always present in Spanish humour.  Nation shall speak unto nation by learning a foreign language but the joke that nation tells unto nation is often harder to understand.

Understanding the punch line of a Spanish joke – un chiste español entails more than vocabulary and does not guarantee that you will split your sides with laughter. 

Although a una comedia is now regarded as a comedy, originally it was no laughing matter and meant any kind of play, not specifically a funny one. Un comediante was an actor and describing someone as un comediante or una comedianta still implies that he or she is a hypocrite.  Onstage a comedian was and is un cómico although a printed comic is un tebeo.

Joke-y verbs are bromear and gastar una broma when playing a joke or saying joking apart – bromas aparte.  But to tell one is contar un chiste and not the tempting chistar, which means means to draw attention to, usually with the psst that a Spanish-speaker hears as chssss.

Lo hice sin chistar means I did it without saying a word, so the implication is not that I did it silently but did it without complaining., all of which confirms that there’s nothing very funny about chistar (or many a chiste español for that matter).